Life of a cow

When we say about cow,
which has many different colour,
The best colour will be black and white,
Which indicate stability between good and bad.
And here is story of cow

Cow is actually a calm and tame animal. It work as hard as it can as long as it has a place to leave and food to eat. No matter how hard is the work as in paddy field smoothing the soil or as hard as dragging a chart behind or even carry grocery as much as it size it never complain as long as it is treated goodly. But when cow meets its owner the whip and hit when it slow down, they will become more and more slower, more and more weak to work, like human they start to feel anger, sadness, and not worth to work for what they earn. As this happen it start to stop moving no matter how much you whip or shout or push it just never move. Similar to human it goes the same but the different is sometime human tend to be the same even though there are not angry, sad or even tired its a personality of being standing firmly with own perception sometime stubborn. When cow is push to much its patient losses instead of a tame animal it become the most fearsome animal of human. Sames goes to us as human when we reach the limit we totally change to different people. A person that seems to be nice will be as fearsome. When cow get to its nerve its hard to calm it down it takes time to do so. The same goes to us human being.

Well that's all for how cow life be..

Feel safe and secure??

As a continous ,to the previous blog, and yet still i dont the know the reason why, everythime when i am sad or even with dripping tears when i see him i feel every sadness is gone just with a count of one. Even i wanted it to contunue pouring just to feel better myself it would not come down. I don't know why am i only know how to shows happy faces even i am so down. Now i don't know how to approach him, what to say to him cause i feel i don't know him anymore. Even though i want to get back to the time like before just normal chat i cant make it even once. I dont have much to ask, i respect and appreciate what you have done but i still will prefer that you are as you are before, become a person that i can talk to even without any special relation. Now it seems that there is a huge wall between us that stop all the activities, i don'k know whehter the wall i created it myself or what but some how it become a border. This wall only become taller and taller keeping myself imprison i just hope one day you will come and help be break this wall as i really cant break it on my own now. I don't know why i feel disturb by this even we never even started anything i even doubt that you can't get my message. If you need explaination i will give, if you want it to be like the time last time i will humbly give way just don't just leave me behind all this wall and mist. If ou happen to read this and know that is you i am refer to just give me a responce, time is not as long as you thing without knowing it it passes by but to break this wall no matter how fast or how slow time pass this wall is hard to break without you helping.

Feeling uncomfortable, unsecure

I dont know why but i kind of feels uncomfortable when i did not see him for a while
Even it ry my best to forget the feeling i have towards him, trying by best to rule this particular feeling out i still feel tat everytime i din see him personally or only his shadow i feel unsecure, not comfortable, as if the world will go aparts. Every word he says whcih shows he is getting furhter away give me a hurting feeling that i never felt with others. Its long ago when i started to feel this whenever we are aprart. I dont know what i cant do to case this feeling out, i dont know what i cant do to just get back to each other and be a normal friends. i dont mind even if its just a i want you to be happy no matter what is the outcome as long as we are still friends that can talk to each other. Even now, seeing each other everyday i have no words to speak of, every question asked i will feel that the answer given seems to be not the answer i want hence i dint even ask question or have a normal conversation as each word i received i felt as if it pierce through my heart. i really dont understand this feeling of mine. the more i wanted to let go the more sadder the outcome is. i feels like i cant leave without a day without seeing that person or at least say hello and goodbye just one word each day it make me feels i am blessed for that day. i wonder why, why we cant be as before even we cant have a special relation. i wonder why is it so hard for me to let go even we haven even started. i dont mind if i cant see u or meet you but at least i still can have the normal conversation we had before. Is it becoz of something that i have done wrong or is it the step i taken is wrong. All this keep me wondering. I just want you to know that as i write this i feel really sad about everything ever since n time when i feel that i get along well with you..~~

Dissapointed

Life is truly dissaponting when nothing change to be a better one. Even how hard you try to forget, to solve, to help, to understand and to pretend things seems to be getting nasty. It is pretty dissapointing when someone come to you and keep complaining over something. It is more dissapointing when all this is about the people you know, the people you truly believe that will change with flow of course not personality wise. After pretty dissapointing is followed by very dissapointed. This happen when not only one person you actually trusted can help and good become the other way round becasue of following another person attitude which is the one you know also. This also apply to those that don't know how to appreciate people goodness. The last stage of dissapoinment will be truely dissapointed. This come by when some one you once are close to, some one you believe, respect, appreciate and admire give you a feeling of suspection.

Quite life

New Year has pass for so long and yet time to strethen this life has yet far to go. Its hard to do something when its easy to say. Changing life, trying to get a new one to some people it is as easy as claping hands but for certain people its like picking down a start form the sky. Forever unreachable. Is there anyone out there which can change one's to be more socialise? Is there people out there that can accept people that is quite? Does it really means for those people that feel its hard to step into the society will forever sticking up with themselve all of their life if they do not change? People around seems so near and yet they seems to be unreach able, keep on getting away from me, keep on become further n further and harder to reach. Its hard to predict this life as life is hard to change. If there is some one that can start a new life with a click of erase and save the new life its really a pleasure for them.

My Hope

I pray that there is someone there to guide me across the road.
I hope that some one will appear and tell me to stop.
I hope that there is some one there to just to hold me.
I hope htat there is some one out there that just can make me happy.
I hope that there is some one that can reach out and say don be sad.
I hope that there is some one out that can ask me to stop thinking.
I hope some one out there will pet be like a little puppy
I hope some one out there will just lend me their shoulder to lean on.
I hope some one out there will just come and tell me to stop the tears
I hope there is some one that will come and comfort me.
I hope there is some one that i can really talk to and not a shame to show my feeling.
I hope that some one will notice me once in a while.
I hope that i will not me just a invisible person in front of everyone.
I hope that some one will come and pick me up from the corner of an empty street.
I just hope that some one will make me smile a true smile.
THere is too much hope but it all can be done with just some one giving more attention to some one that is less social, some one that try to lock themselve up, some one that try to imprison themselfve, some one that feel this world now is nothing, some one that feels that live is as empty as vaccum.

One will appretiate more when......

When one's work for something they wanted, they will appretiate it more. As that time they know how hard is it to earn something that they want. When people give, we just take without knowing how hard one's work for it eventhough its just a small stuff. When we tried to look for it on our own, we had hard time just finding it. But when you find it you feel relieve and happy cause you finaly got something on your own. Even so some people for receiving a gift even a small one it's make them happier then when they buy it by themself. This is because that gift they receive its a one in a lifetime gift. this gift they will remember in mind and keep it at heart even that's the one and only. Some that sought the thing they wanted themself, got it but they still feel sad eventhough they appreciate it. Why? Its because there is no one there to that can even understand what is the needs of that person eventhough its just as simple as having a cup of tea together. For me i really appretiate those that are able to have a cup of tea with me once in a life time then those who gift me diamonds but does not understand the true needs of a person.

In the midle of the ocean

In the ocean there is a lot of nice things which include corals and different kind of fishes. But i don't know why when i set sail to catch fishes, i keep on catching whale, even if i dive indo the sea i can't see others accept whale. I fish whole day and yet the only thing i caught is whale. I don't know how much whale i have catch today, i can't even count. If only i could exchange this whales with something i like i will change all of it with one.
Apart from catching whale, i keep on getting bitten by crab when i pull up my net. It's hurt a lot that i can't even describe it. Waiting for the time for it to stop bitting. Plaster, oilment and medicine does not help. I don't know how much longer i can bare with it.
In this ocean, all of a sudden storm come then sun comes. This make me feel soo cold that i migh freeze at a time and hot at a time. I am hoping a mermaid will appear and transform me in to one so i can be friends with whale and crab that keep on bothering and hurting me. How much i hope and wish for it,it doesn't matter as i know this is something that never will be realise. It is like waiting water to flow uphill of a waterfall instead of downhill. Even so i still hope i still keep this as a hope and a wish.

MeT@m0rPho5is

Day passes followed by week, month and years. Everything in this world keeps on changing. Even the people around seems to be different even though they go by the same name and has the same looks. Compare to the nature which has the name sunny, winter, rain, and so on they are just the same. Having the same name but keep changing in their moods. Sometime it rains unstopable, sometime its just small rain, sometime it can't even rain when you wanted it to. This goes the same to others.

Maybe there are not changing, maybe that is what there are but never show, or trying to be some one else in front of everyone. Like what we say the day is sunny but we never know when it will become dreadfull creating drought or become as pleasant as just a crystal clear sky just nice for every one.

Apart from changing or showing ones true self, they might be still the same to everyone but just showing differences to certain people around them. Saying that people that leave in winter won't feel the cold the people leaving in non-seasonal place. Even the its the same winter, people from desert might feel its freezing while local there just feels cold.

Sometime there are no changes within that person, and others does not feel that there is changes but some people might feels that they had change as they fall too deep into them that even a slight change seems to be a lot. It feels just like summer changing into winter without any autumn in between or winter to summer without spring in between.

Others is that no people are changing but you yourself are, that make you feel all the people around you changes. Its just like us human creating pollution for the sack of wealth and dream which actually changes increase the temperature of the globe, that some how we think that the sun burn bigger creating hotter day. Just that we don't realise that we change ourself that make the people around us seems to be changing.

Puppet life

A whole new year has started weeks ago, even so life seems to be getting worse and worse. Trying hard to be better, trying hard so that everything seems fine and nothing seems to be wrong. Does trying hard enough satisfied us, does trying hard will change our life?
Trying hard to make things seems to be fine, does not change anything what that is wrong is still there they never will be erase. It's like creating a mud without the existence of soil. Something just cant be change no matter how hard you try. But some has a great change, once was a caring, a person that will listen, a person that will remind and help has turn into something else. Is it a play of feeling or all this is just a illusion before, or there are pretending all this while, or it is their sudden change, or there is something that causes this. All that one hope for is to get a better life at a new time. All this seems to be hope that is hard to be fullfill vice versa its full of desperation. Trying hard to be better, trying hard to create a newer life a better one seems to be bringing a person to a time with more desperation, with more knife stricking in feeling more pain than ever. This is especially when there is no one around to shared it, no one around to accompany, the people avaiable seems to be adding the pain. The only thing that a person can do is to talk to a dummy, creating imagination that it will listen, reply, say comforting word, and accompany them in this desperate world.

Cross Road

Cross road has four junction,

Cross road shows that decision have to be made,

Cross road determine the way that a person would like to go,

Cross road sometimes ended with U-turn,

Sometimes more cross road, more turns

And sometimes it leads to a non ending road,

There is time when cross road leads to more cross road,

Each time every decision is made,

There is no gurantee that it will end,

It migh continue to another decision,

Another problem or even a whole new world,

Chosing the correct cross road sometimes did bring you to a destination,

But when you are done with that place,

We sure will started to move on,

Meeting another new cross road,

There is also time when we want to return to the place,

Hence making another repeated decision at the same cross road,

Our road is hard to determine,

When you have made a decision doesn't means that it will not change,

When you go through that road once does not mean that you will never return,

There is no ending in making decision,

To which road a person is going to take when they meet a cross road.

Hidden trap as is in non existing

Hidden trap is something that we cannot see, even we predict that there is one some where. We won't know how the trap are design, we will never when and what will trigger the trap. When we know there is a trap we will just keep in mind to be careful. When we are not we fall into one. Sometime even we are alert we will not notice it. Sometime we even don't know that it is a trap until we fall into one. How is this related to existence? Existence of someone are some how being ignore sometime. Even they are rite beside you, but there is no intention to communicate or anything. When they see you alone they just left you there. They know you are there and yet a lot of things they do they will not think of you unless reminded by someone. This shows how small that person existence is. As in hidden trap we know it is there even know what is it but we just keep in mind not to trigger but not to release or give warning to the others who is coming and just leave it as what it is. If the people in your group does not says let stop moving and entrap the place then no one will care. Hence sometime existence of someone is notice just because of someone else existed beside them, when they are not around this is where they once again become un-notice and un-exist.

What am i in these world?

In this world i am born, there is a lot of thing that have been missing. What is the meaning of love, playfull, childhood, laughter, what is the true meaning of having family and friends around? All this have been a question. Is my existance in this world only as a person to fill one of the gap of population in this world? Is my existance in these world is only to see how life of others around me? Is it that all these while i only can see how happy people are, how they truly laugh, to see how warm their family are? Is it that my life has only the means to see but not the means to experience it myself? Is that the thing that i felt all this while can only be emptiness, sadness, anger and the will to create a better life for myself that is hence full of tears? Is this what i am to this world? Is that to people i am always the person who smile and seems to be happy? Is that to people i can have everything i want when actually all of it are only the things that i have in what the eyes are capable of seeing? Is it that hard that my only requirement is someone to tell me jokes, sit with me, talk with me once in a while some that all this emptiness and all this sadness will go away? As people always says the simplest thing in live is the hardest thing to achieve. The things that you see is not the thing that really symbolise a person. A person who smile and laugh at everything, deep down inside is just a person that has an empty soul to be feel with joys.

Act of poison

Scorpion are some things that people afraid of,

Afraid of its poison,

Hence there is no dreaming of getting close to it,

People will start to run or started to hit it,

Even so there are places where it is eaten,

Eaten by us human who is afraid of its poison,

Scorpion can be symbolise as us human,

So people are afraid of us,

Afraid in many direction and time,

There is time people will not want to get close to us,

Afraid that something bad will happen,

As if being sting by scorpion,

So there is time people start to run away and hide,

But there is also people that continue to face what ever in front of them,

Preparing to fight back, preparing to stand tall,

There is part in life that no matter how poisoning are you,

There is people that still dare to stand up and fight,

Scorpion using its poison to to defend themselves,

Scare of being killed,

We human sometime are being hated,

Just as how scorpion are being hated for protecting themselves,

They are innocent and yet there are threat,

There is always reason for being protective and defensive,

Anyway can be chosen even when poison have to be injected,

No matter how you regret for injecting the poison,

No matter how much you are being hate,

No matter how some people trying to avoid you,

Because of the poison inside,

What people don usually see is the purpose of that poison,

There is no doubt that there is also poison that has evil purpose,

But once we see the word poison,

Evil, bad, killer, all this words is the first thing come to mind,

Where as its true purpose are not being recognize

Which one?

Whcih will you choose if you are given 3 choices.
1. Go to sleep but unable to sleep
2. Cant sleep but wanna sleep
3.Don't wanna sleep but you are sleepy

This 3 choices anyone chosen bring different feeling. Choice 1 lay down awake doing nothing apart from turn here and turn there thinking unsolveable things leaving the solveable thing undone. Choice 2 feel sleepy but unable to sleep thinking that there is still things to be done and yet moodless to do anything disturb by those things that is unsolveable. Choice 3 dont wanna sleep even sleepy know it as bad to health for the first thing, don't wanna sleep with the reason of wanna do things which is at the end can't do anything because of moodless.

No matter which choice is to be choosen, there is always something missing behind it.

Bored~~

Does people get bored saying the same thing every time they talks? Even the one talks does not feel bored the one hearing will feel bored even irritating some time. Instead of talking about the same thing which make others hearing feel like you are a type of person that care nothing but that why not make some changes and live life as what it was rather then persuade more when you have enough. Persuade more does not means bad, but persuade more and stressing yourself and the people around you its a bad idea. Every one want a better life, but if your capability is only until there why not just appreciate what you have and live with it. Why people keep on making their self suffer because of that something when actually they can live happily already with what they have now. Is this called greed? Is there no other things to talk about? Why not trying to talk about daily happening conversation rather then narrow the conversation into something about that something? There are not tired of talking about it but the one hearing Will feel damn bored and damn irritate and totally tired of it!!

Complete failure

Everything seems to be at plan,
Everything seems to go smoothly,
Everything seems to go as wanted,
Very naturaly,
But this everything never move even an inch,
Because the plan of this everything
have been changed all the while,
From all the changes,
Making it a complete failure,
There is no reason for this failure,
Its just like letting it go,
Don't want to think anymore,
Need a place without four walls around,
Need a place to get all the feeling back,
Feeling that can make people move at their pace,
For now stuck here in a little hole,
unmoveable.

Wind is a part of my Life

Every person have their own complication, just hope that the sound of the wind blowing everyday can slowly remove this complication, slowly giving me the idea to change and to move forward. The sound of the wind brings a lot to me, it shows all the thing in my life as it blow through. When it started to blow it brings me coldness, making me to think more things no atter the bad one nor the good one. Some how this wind blowing though helps to calm and clear my mind to set aside certain things and concentrate on the one i really needed to. Even so the breeze of this wind is not enough to bring all the calmness and clearness to me. Just to hope to find a new secret place for me to think in this new place of mine. Where there is more cool wind blowing.

Friendship is caught in the fire of Love

It's so near and yet its feel far,

There are to many uncertainty in this life,

That we need to ride and go though,

Even though i feel i am myself when i am having conversation,

Even though i am not afraid of telling everything,

Even though i feel i am safe being around him,

Even though i don't know what he wanted,

What he really is,

There is sort of feeling to fall for him,

And yet missing him the moment he is out of sigh,

There is time in life where fear come,

The fear to confess towards that special one,

Even though we don't know what will be the future,

And yet we are afraid to try,

Not because of the answer nor the result,

But future relationship,

We might be seeing each other each and every day,

And yet after this day we might started to avoid each other,

Either feeling afraid or become shy to each other,

A try might cause a huge disaster or a sweet time together,

Which has being store for you and me,

With doubt, which is the best yet to be?

To let it diminished or to chase after it?

Realization

If you wake up every morning,
With more health then ilness,
You are more blessed than the million who won't survive the week.

If you have never expereinced the danger of battle,
the loneliness imprisonment,
the agonly of torture or the pags of starvation,
you are ahead of millions of people around the world

If you have food in your cupboard,
clothes on you, roof over your head and a place to sleep,
money in bank, in your wallet and spare change
in a dish someplace,
you are richer that most of the people of this world.

If you hold up your face with a smile and are truly thankful,
if you can hold someone's hand, hug them,
or even touch them on the shoulder,
you are blessed because majority can,
but most do not.

If you can read this,
this shows how luck and blessed you are,
comparing to people that cannot
people never realise how blessed are they,
compare to those that does not even know the word blessed.